I ate all the Easter candy for lunch; or, How's Your Diet Going?

I get asked that a lot. I guess that's what I get for putting before and after pictures on the Internet, hey? People everywhere are looking me up and down. Hey, eyes up here, all right? Focus on my EYES folks.

This last month has been...meh.

There was a lot going on in March; three birthdays, three birthday parties, two double ear infections (consecutively), a sprained ankle, a mini-vacay, spring break, going back to work part-time, and trying to find time to work on my own business. There was also very little exercising going on (damn you self), and while I managed to eat fairly well, my kids' Easter candy called my name a few times. So did Franzia. He whispers my name softly to me every evening. I try to drone out his sweet voice by screaming even louder at my kids.

While technically, I only gained a pound and a half, I feel like I gained 5. My midsection feels mushy and my energy is way down. This week I've managed to drag myself back on the exercise bandwagon and I'm starting to feel a little better.

I have two weight loss goals coming up.

1. OBGYN visit in early May. What? Don't look at me like that. That scale is OFFICIAL, yo. Plus, is it wrong to want to look your best while up in stirrups?

2. Kiddie pools open June 9th. That's 53 short days from now, but who's counting? Oh, that's right. Me.

Freeloaders



I'm not Alice!

Don't get me wrong. My kids are good kids. They are bright, kind, and, in general, happy. They are generous with each other and do well in school. They are also lazy little bastards! But their days of freeloading are over. That's right. Put a suit on and get a job, son!

Well, maybe I won't go quite that far. How about some simple chores? Sounds good to me. My kids have daily chores that are just assumed  of them. For example, make the bed, brush your teeth, pick up toys, etc. However, at nearly 6 and 4, I think that they are old enough to take more of an active role in keeping this house clean. I did not make this mess on my own; I will not clean it on my own.

So, today I made them (and you!) this handy little chore chart. You can download it as a PSD if you want to customize the colors or fonts or turn off the chevrons or add your kids' names or just as a PDF if you want to just write the squiddo's names on it. There is also a customizable chore list or a PDF of the chores. I plan on laminating mine, but didn't have immediate access to a laminator.

Time to get busy, slackers.

OK, edit the documents if you want or just print them out as is. You can print the chores onto magnet paper available at office supply stores, or you can make your own. Here's what I did:

Gather your supplies. Mod Podge, scissors, chore print out, paint brush, and an old magnet.
If you haven't got Mod Podge, you could just glue the paper on, but you risk the corners peeling up later.
Sometimes you have to take risks though.
I save the magnets that we get from stores, restaurants, and various other random places
and use them for projects like this.
Wash your magnet off for better adhesion.

Mod Podge those little chores on.
Let that dry.
Cut them out.

Affix to something to which magnets will stick. I put it on the fridge.
You could stick it on some metal and then frame it. That would be adorable.
I was too lazy.

And there you have it.
The baby can still freeload, I guess.
I almost didn't use these because you can see my kids' names. Try not to stalk us, OK?

In which I get on board with subway art

I know this post is a day late (and a dollar short, zing!). I apologize for the delay. Sike. I don't. I'm busy, and shit got in the way.

**********

It became pretty obvious to me last month during my zen challenge that I am not now, nor will I ever be "laid back." It just ain't my shtick. But, you know what is? OCD, making lists and charts, and my kids. So, this month I am going to cram all those things together in lots of fun little projects.

Here's the first one.

Maybe your mornings go a little like mine. The kids have school, yet are running around butt ass naked because they seem to be unable to comprehend that they need to get dressed EVERY SINGLE MORNING. So, as a helpful little reminder to them I've made these cute subway signs outlining our morning routine.

And the evening routine. Good night, sleep tight is supposed to be like the title. Does it look like I'm telling them to go to sleep and then do all the other shit?

After school special refers to their free time. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I printed those bad boys off and affixed them to a board and now they are waiting patiently to be hung in the kitchen. I'll update with a photo when they're done. And, because I love you and everyone loves printables I have them available for you to print. They are high resolution digital files. Do with them what you will. Rise and shine jpeg and Good night jpeg. Don't like the colors, wording or font? Tough shit. Just kidding. Here they are in a .psd. Rise and shine psd and Good night psd. Go nuts.

Week 8 Weigh-In: I barely make it out alive

This is my treadmill. That chick in the red workout bra and boxing gloves is my role model.
Is it weird that I stare at a bunch of hot chicks while I work out?

So, I gave up the scale this month. In the beginning of the month it was really hard; I wanted to get on the scale nearly every morning. I needed it to tell me that I was working hard enough; that what I was doing was right. Just any form of validation really.

Near the end of the month, I felt liberated by it. I measured how well I was doing by my ability to run another mile on the treadmill or by being able to fit into smaller jeans.I've done sit ups until my tailbone was raw and bleeding. My abs are looking pretty good for someone who had three kids in the last six years. I still wanted to know what the scale told me, but I was more satisfied without knowing than I had ever been before.

This morning was my weigh-in. I've been nervous about it for days. Did I do enough? Will I have any success at all? I've been tracking my calories out with a Body Bugg, and I've met or exceeded my need caloric burn nearly every day. I've also been tracking my calories in and I've done pretty well. Last weekend my mom was in town and we splurged, but nothing over the top. According to the Bugg, I should have lost between 7-8 pounds.

So imagine my surprise, nay shock, when in the pre-dawn hours this morning I stood naked and trembling (from cold y'all. My house is cold) and saw that I was down....two pounds. Now, my manfriend and my mom warned me that this scale read at least two pounds heavier  than my previous one. So, even if I give myself those two pounds that's still only a four pound weight loss in eight weeks.

Big sigh.

Maybe the real solution is to give up the scale for good and just go by how I feel. Because yesterday, I felt great...and today I feel like shit. All because of the scale.

From January first until today.

You can't really see it, but I have a little ab definition from this month's fab ab.

111 Days...

...until the kiddie pools open, ladies. Are you going to be rocking your bikini whilst you splash with Junior? Or are you going to wear your extra baggy track shorts and tank top? You decide.

I am going to be rocking a bikini, and I don't care if other moms give me the skank eye for wearing one. (I swear I won't wear a string bikini or anything ludicrous).

I'd really like a bikini that looks somewhat like Wonder Woman's costume. Because I'm pretty badass.

I still haven't weighed in, though it's getting harder to stay away. I am officially waiting until the 29th of February. I'm fitting into smaller jeans (although I might be slightly pouring myself into my favorite pair of them), and I feel fantastic. I'm only down a quarter inch from last week, but I'm up a mile from last month! Woot, woot!

Also, I've un-given up Diet Coke. I just like that shit too much. I couldn't lie to you. Well, I could lie to you because you wouldn't even know. But I respect you, so I'm not going to do that to you. I really didn't find it making a difference in my weight loss, and I missed it.

So, make your choice. You've still got time to rock it this summer.



I am Jack's Feeble Brain

I am the most unzen person that ever lived.

Yesterday was Sunday, and the fam and I prepared to go to church. Meaning I ran around and packed snacks, got water bottles, packed spare diapers, found tiny AND quiet toys, prepared dozens of Star Wars printouts and mazes, ironed shirts, and managed to get four people ready and out the door mostly on time. I swear, it's like getting ready for a week in the desert. I have no idea why my children cannot survive an hour without a snack or a drink, but there it is. The manfriend showered and got himself dressed.

Then I did a lot of praying. It went something like this:

Me: Dear Lord, please make these children shut up and sit still.

Me: Dear Lord, I swear if you can get the little one to stop screeching like a monkey I will give up Keeping up with the Kardashians for lent.

Me: Lord, I hate to bother you, but do you think you could turn the full water bottle that my daughter spilled on the pew into wine?

Me: Are you there God? It's me Poppysmocks. We're having a bit of a moment here, what with the baby trying to knock down the pew in front of us. Think you could strike the kids dumb just for a few minutes?

Me: Jesus Christ. Really? Really? You've got nothing you can help out with down here? Now I know why You were the only begotten son.

Me: God save the little children.
******************************************

In other news, I broke my 1980s treadmill. Sad face. But, an incredibly amazing person, who is also on a fitness journey, gave me her old 2005 treadmill. Upgrade! I got to test it out this morning at 5:30, and boy has it got pep. Love it.

I still haven't weighed in, which is about as close as I have come to meeting this month's goal. Any suggestions on how to calm the anxiety beast? Short of medications that is. I've nothing against medications, in fact, I would love a zanax. However, I don't want to go to the doctor. Partly because I've been going to my OB for the last six and a half years and wouldn't begin to know who to go to. Also partly because I'm lazy.

The un-weigh-in

Mmm hmm.

I don't like it. The not getting on the scale. Not being able to track my progress. The double hyphen in the title of this blog post...

It's making me sort of nervous to not know where I'm at, but at the same time I know that I'm doing good things for my body. I don't want the scale to make me feel that I'm not. So I'm just going to keep on keepin' on. I did measure this morning and I'm not down much. A half inch on my hips and maybe a quarter inch on my waist.

And, if it's possible, I'm feeling even less zen than before. It's possible that it correlates to my daughter's new ability to take her jammies off, or tax season, or some sort of hormonal imbalance, or that my abdominal muscles are in a near constant state of pain, but I think it's just that I'm thinking about it too much. So, maybe I need to be zen by not being zen? I don't know.

This week's step toward being more zen is to put a notepad on my nightstand so I can write down a To Do List of things that keep me awake at night (write out thank you cards, pay phone bill, follow up on some work business, etc...) and then tackle them at an appropriate time. Anytime after dawn would be fine.

I'm also going to give myself 10 minute a day to do nothing. I don't mean nothing like dicking around on facebook, but just nothing. Just sit on the couch or lie in bed and do nothing.

The yoga instructor at the super awesome yoga studio that I've been going to said that so often people ask, "What should I do to feel more relaxed, more zen?" Her answer is, "Nothing. Do nothing."

Le sigh. This is not up my alley. Even when I'm doing "nothing" like watching TV I enjoy doing several other nothing-like tasks like folding laundry, sewing, or facebooking. But, this week doing nothing is hitting my high priority list. It's sort of freeing. Maybe I should put that on my To Do List...

My husband's trying to kill me

...with kindness, I guess.

So, remember when I said that I'd given up the scale? Partially for zen and partially because my manfriend broke our scale? It's probably 60/40. Or maybe 50/50. Definitely not any lower than 20/80. Well, today manfriend comes home from Fleet Farm (his idea of heaven) with...a scale. And not just any scale ladies and gentleman (because I'm pretty sure I only have one loyal male reader. Shout out to you J-Tony. Isn't that odd that it's not my manfriend who's a loyal reader?). It's a scale that tells your body fat and your mother fucking water weight.

Breathe deep. I didn't weigh myself. Well, I did weigh myself but I CLOSED MY EYES and my manfriend looked at my weight and body fat and wouldn't TELL ME. Because that would be cheating. And I wouldn't cheat on you. Unless I get really desperate.

We did, however, weigh all the kids. The boys top out with a whopping 5% body fat a piece. Boo was not quite where I thought she'd be at around 15% body fat. Of course, the scale was assuming that they were all 10 year old midgets because we could only make the age go down as young as 10. I don't know why the scale manufacturers would have a problem with people checking out their prepubescent children's body fat percentages. That's not unhealthy or anything.

Anyway, I've been fighting the urge to weigh myself all day. Somehow I want to revert to all my bad habits, possibly weighing myself while drink a diet coke spiked with rum. Hell, I might as well smoke a cigarette while I'm at it. I'm thinking about putting a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it every time I get an urge to weigh myself, but I don't think that's very zen.

One day at a time. I might start weighing things in the produce section just to get my fix.

Oh, and some of you were wondering just precisely how he broke the scale. Funny story. I was all, "Do you think it's possible that the scale might need new batteries? It doesn't seem to be working properly."

Him: I don't know. Did you look at it?

Me: I did. I couldn't find anywhere to put a battery. Plus it was kind of yucky.

Him: Yucky? Did you try cleaning it?

Me: Well, I wiped it off. And it was still pretty yucky. And I still didn't see a battery keeper.

He picks up the scale and cleans it. Then takes it apart looking for a battery. He finds a battery and tests it.

Him: The battery is fine.

He puts the battery back in and puts the scale back together.

Him, standing on the scale: Huh. That's funny. Try this.

Me, standing on scale: Ooooh. I like that. Oh, wait that's not right. I don't weigh 99.5 pounds.

Him: Yeah. That's kind of what I figured.

Zen {without Zanax}

Isn't it curious to see the traits that you've inherited from your family? I've got my dad's curly hair and his keen eye for photography. From my mom I got my green eyes and my intense desire to hide behind corners and jump out and scare my children (don't worry they love it, right mom?). I've passed some of these traits down myself to my kids...red hair, green eyes, curly hair...and a bit of a fiery temper and more than a smidge of anxiety.

That's my rents. Aren't they suuuper cute? They were living in Canada, eh.

Which segues nicely to this month's Be Inspired topic...zen {without zanax}. Life with three kids is pretty crazy. Hell, life is probably crazy without three kids, but for me it's the three kids bit that's harshing up my zen. Top that off with a daily dose of not having enough money and constant worry about how to make more money makes for one anxiety-riddled little poppy. It means that I snap more than I should, that I sleep less than I should, and that, in general, I am a nervous nellie.

So, this month I am going to be inspired by my grandma Fran. My Franma.

That's her on the left with the red lipstick and nice rack.

I loved my little Franma so much that I named my son after her. Well, his middle name. I don't think that he'd forgive me if I made his first name be Francis.

Franma was always  calm. Intense psychotherapy may have helped that case, but I like to think that it was her nature. She did crossword puzzles, smoked a lot of cigarettes, and loved talk radio. She ate tofu before tofu was cool, and worked well into her 70s because she liked it.

Franma making her famous oven fried chicken...in pearls.

Now, I'm sure there were times that I wasn't around where Grandma wasn't completely cool, but as far as I know she was the epitome of cool and collected. I wish THAT was something that I could have inherited.

My dad apparently got that gene.

I remember talking with her when I was in high school and suffering through one of my many bouts of depression. She told me that when she was feeling down, or out of control, she pictured herself floating above the chaos and the sadness. Sort of on a cloud of well being. I thought that was beautiful. And sort of hippy dippy, but whatev. Still a nice thought.

A few action points on my plan for zenness (I can't get zen all willy nilly at once. Baby steps, remember?)

• Yoga. I've been an on again off again practicer of yoga, but this month I promise to try to actually concentrate on my breathing and the poses instead of mentally going through my grocery list.
• Exercise. Check that one off the list. I'm still going strong on my Kendra plan, but experts say that 30 minutes of exercise is enough to get you an endorphin boost to help fight anxiety and depression.
• Scale. I've been toying with this one for a few days now. I obviously have a bit of an unhealthy addiction to the scale. In order to "trust in the process" and accept that I am doing what I need to do to make my body healthy I am not going to get on the scale this month. This process has been made easier since my manfriend broke our scale yesterday. I'm pretty sure that's kismet, or maybe my grandma telling me to stop obsessing. In a month I'll buy a new scale, and will hopefully be in a better place with myself and the number the scale tells me.
• Yelling. None of it. This is going to be a doozie. I am a yeller, but this month, instead of yelling at my kids, I am going to sing at them. That's right. If I want to shout, "Put your boots on! You're going to be late!" I'm going to sing it to the tune of...well, whatever pops into my head at the time.
• Cloud. Floating cloud of well being. I'm going to try floating above my problems for the month. Not avoid them, but not allow myself to become bogged down by them.

Also, unrelated to achieving zen, but more on the getting a smoking hot body, I am also participating in the Fab Ab February plan shown below. My manfriend is playing along as well. Join us and on the leap year we shall bounce quarters off our abs.

Weigh-In Week 4

This is what he's saying to me as  I run on the treadmill.

I've been pumping it in my living room, running on my treadmill, lifting weights, and contemplating my zenness in yoga allllllll month. Six days a week for four weeks and I'm ready to see some results.

This morning I got on the scale and saw....one pound. But not one pound down. One pound up. FROM WHERE I FUCKING STARTED. Math may not be my best subject, but I know that aint what you want to see. Those of you can do math (and possibly who are women) also realize that four weeks from my PMS-y rant last month would lead me right to the same spot this month in my cycle. So, it's possible  that this is water weight. It's also possible that I have bad karma and Jesus hates me. OR maybe, and maybe guys this is what Diet Coke should start advertising...if you stop drinking Coke, you'll gain weight. I can see their new ads now. (BTW, I totally don't have any DC cravings now. It only took a week)

I do still have those baseline measurements to rely on, so here we go...

	Starting	Week 1	Week 2	Week 3	Week 4
Right arm	12	11.5	11.5	11.5	11
Left arm	12	11.5	11.5	11.5	11
Waist	29	28	28	28	27.5
Hips	41	39.5	39.5	38.5	38.5
Left thigh	24	23.5	23.5	23.5	23
Right thigh	24	23.5	23.5	23.5	23
Weight	140	139	140	138	141

I've lost eight inches, but gained a pound. That's pretty demoralizing, but instead of letting that stupid pound break me down, it is motivating the hell out of me. I just banged out 50 minutes on the dreadmill and ate a ridiculously healthy breakfast and lunch. While this post technically ends my Be Inspired by Kendra month, I am going to continue on this fitness journey that I have started, and I hope all of you will keep at it with me. Starting the first of February, I'll have a new Be Inspired topic, but I will keep checking in with my weight loss progress (or lack there of) too.

And because I promised them to you, here are my progress pictures. You're welcome.

I cut bangs and changed the white balance on my camera,
but otherwise I'm pretty much in the same spot living room-wise.

I can feel the most difference in my muffin top, butt, and saddle bag area.

A Few Updates

Soooo. It's been four days, and I'd pretty much kill a monkey for a Diet Coke. And then I'd skin it and give it to my mom as an offering of how much I love her. Because she has some deep seated hatred for monkeys. No idea why. I'm glad it's not hereditary, because aside for my aforementioned desire to kill one for a Diet Coke, I actually think they're kind of cute. I love it when they ring the bell at the zoo and throw their fecal matter.

Anyway. I would really like a coke, but I've done well and have not succumbed to the desire. I also have not lost any damn weight either. In fact, this morning I was up a pound. I'm almost ready to smash the scale to tiny, tiny pieces but that would mean A. I'd have to clean that mess up. B. Glass shards everywhere. C. I'd just have to go buy a new scale because I love/hate to weigh myself.

Also, a few of you suggested that I ask my manfriend to be my ass measuring device re: my shrinking ass. He was very excited about that new job offer and is hoping that there's some sort of official T-shirt proclaiming his new status. I haven't come up with anything very witty to put on it yet. I'm open to suggestions.

My husband also suggested that I could measure my success by "how well your jeans fit." He then turned and looked at me in disgust and said, "But you've just been wearing those all day," somehow implying that my yoga pants were less of a real pant than my jeans are. It's not like I wear them ALL day. I just usually change out of my "fancy going out clothes" i.e. hand-me-down jeans with holes in the knees into my yoga pants at exercise time/nap time. And then maybe sometimes I wear them for the rest of the day. But that's totally normal. Right?

That's it for now.

Mango Sunrise Smoothie Recipe

My family loves smoothies. I make them all the time and stick random ingredients in them that my children wouldn't otherwise eat. Like mango. Thing 1 is super picky, and Thing 2 is quickly following in his footsteps, so I have to trick them into eating nutritious things. Thank the lord the baby still eats everything put in front of her or I might snap. Hell, I still probably will snap.

It was a hit. Thing 1 especially liked it because it was a very smooth consistency.

Your ingredients. Use frozen fruit to avoid the need to add ice. I buy frozen fruit whenever it's on sale
and just cram it in my freezer.

Ingredients
2 C orange juice
2 C frozen mangoes
1 C frozen peaches
1 C yogurt. I prefer Dannon Light & Fit because it's low in calories and tastes like vanilla ice cream.
*optional: sometimes I add a heaping T of soy protein powder in. We are out, so I did not add any.

Blend that shit together until you get this swirling vortex of goodness:

That's the swirling vortex. You  may need to stop and push things around a little bit, but this
is how you know everything is well blended.

Enjoy.

Oh, and if you share this between four glasses (about 12 ounces per glass) each serving is just 162.5 calories. Not bad.

***********Diet Coke Update*******************
OK, giving up Diet Coke isn't ridiculously bad (so far). I'm pretty tired, but I blame it more on an amazing stomach bug that's powering through my lower GI track than the lack of DC. I also blame it on my husband, but that's just par for the course around here.

I am not suffering any withdrawal symptoms, other than salivating like a Pavlovian dog anytime I think about the sweet aroma of a freshly opened Diet Coke.

Also, the baby has somehow learned to say, "Coke." I know she did it to mock me.

Week 3 Weigh-In



This is me after a good workout.
Just kidding. I actually don't sweat much. I just turn bright red and look like I'm dying.
I've actually had people stop me when I'm out running and ask if I'm OK.
It's kind of embarassing.

So, it's Monday. You know what that means right? Shitty TV night! I kid, I kid. Sort of.

Of course it's weigh-in day. How are you doing? I wish that I wouldn't have made weigh-in day on a Monday because the nagging thought of weigh-in day made it hard to totally get hammered at the bar with my sister for her fortieth birthday (but somehow I managed).

This morning I was down two pounds! Woot, woot! Well, maybe just one woot. Because it has been three weeks after all and I'm only down two pounds. But I'll take what I can get. I also lost another inch off my hip region, which is pretty rad. I wonder if there's a way to measure one's ass? Because I totally feel like that's gotten smaller.

I've got one more week on this crazy train of fitness until I tackle another goal (but I'm not giving up on being a hot bod by this summer). I'm going to step it up a level by doing something that reports have said help you lose weight: stop drinking diet soda. OMG. I can't believe I said that out loud. Well typed it.

Caffeine is not a huge draw for me; I only have two diet sodas a day. But the ritual of allowing myself two tasty little carbonated treats is something that I like. The sharp crack and soft fizz of opening the can. The sweet syrupy flavor. That I don't have to share it with my children...so many things. Therefore, I saved giving it up for the last week of the month! Hey, I'm no glutton and I make no guarantees that this portion of my fitness overhaul will stick around. Unless I somehow lose 5 pounds or something. And then Diet Coke can totally get bent.

Also, be prepared this week to be amazed by some delicious smoothie recipes. I'm making my family be taste test guinea pigs and will provide you with recipes for their favorites. Because I love you. And smoothies.

It's just water weight

I'm picturing Ryan Gosling saying this to me.

It's week two weigh-in day, and as I painstakingly lowered myself onto my scale inch by inch while holding myself up by my shower curtain rod hoping that would magically make me weigh less my hopes were high. I though, "Ooooh, I wonder where I'm at. Maybe two pounds?!?"  But then my hopes were dashed to the ground by one pound. But one pound in the WRONG direction! That's right. I gained that damn pound back that I worked so hard to lose last week. I ran to my tape measure and quickly measured, and then REmeasured. Nada. Nothing. Not a pound, not an inch. Sob.

I've been a good little Kendra-ite. I exercised six times last week, and on my "rest" day, I took the monsters sledding, which is practically an aerobic workout with Jillian Michaels. I ate fairly well, although yesterday's Packer game smorgasbord did have me eating a few too many snacks, but nothing outrageous.

My super awesome online friends boosted me up telling me that it's the second week plateau like on The Biggest Loser, that my body is building muscle, I'm retaining water to repair the muscle that I'm brutalizing every day...yada, yada, yada. God, I love those women!

Then, the day continued to get worse. On my way to the grocery store, I was attempting to drink my frozen Diet Coke (I had forgot the Coke in the trunk of my van the night prior). I says to myself, "Self, you know what would thaw this Diet Coke right away? Put it between your thighs. Nice and warm there!" So I listen to myself (big mistake), and as my Diet Coke begins to thaw, it overflows soaking my ass and thighs in Diet Coke. Sigh. As I'm walking through Woodmans with people silently judging me and my wet crotch and butt region, I decide to stop being sad and start being awesome.


This second week plateau can kiss my ass. Now, I'm going to put my crabby baby down for a nap, feed the pre-schooler, and lace up my running shoes.

How's week two treating you? Are you up? Down? All around?

Slump (AKA Motivation Part Deux)

I've been feeling a little slumpy today. I weighed myself (why?!?), and the scale isn't moving despite my eating right and exercising everyday. That kind of shit makes a girl want to sit on the couch, eat Doritos, and watch the Kardashians. I should really just hide the thing until weigh-in day. But I won't.

Are you feeling the slumpy? Maybe not today, but possibly tomorrow.

In preparation for those days, here's a list of things people have said to me, or to some of my friends that might get your blood boiling enough to Pump It (well, if you're doing Turbo Jam in your living room. You can get your blood boiling enough to do whatever it is you are doing). Sometimes, I have a running playlist of some of these sayings in order to get me through my workout.

• I'm just naturally thin.
• You have bigger bones than me.
• Are you pregnant (or alternately, when are you due?)
• Have you gained weight?
• You look tired.
• Are you sure you want to eat that?
• I usually date thinner girls.
• You must be the smart sister.
• Men must like your big boobs!
• I wonder if they have this in a size 0.

Feel free to leave a comment to add your "favorite" thing somebody has said to you.

Self-Image can self-destruct

When I was in college, I was heavy. Probably pushing 190, although I stopped getting on the scale once I saw 180. I've lost and gained weight in the (holy crap) 10 years since graduating college. Even when I was at my lowest weight of 115 pounds, I looked in the mirror and saw that fat girl. Maybe my hips were a little too wide, maybe my thighs weren't as toned as I would like; it didn't really matter what my body actually looked like. I was going to find that fat girl inside of me no matter what.

I'm still doing it. I'm not looking in the mirror and celebrating my successes from last week, instead I'm beating myself up because of what I didn't accomplish last week. I didn't lose enough, I'm all sorts of jiggly, etc. When my manfriend tells me that I look hot, or he loves the shape of my leg, arm, face, whatever (He really loves everything about me. Except maybe my nagging!), I hear him, but I don't listen. I know that I'm not the only person who does this.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see the gentle slope of your belly from having your children? Do you see your slightly less than perky breasts that you used to feed your baby? Do you see flabby upper arms that are strong and get you through your day? Do you tell yourself when I lose 5 pounds I can wear that shirt, or if I lose 10 pounds I'll finally look "good"?

This week, on top of trying to work out and be fit, I am also going to try to love me a little more. Accept those compliments from my husband. Be proud of what I'm doing.

Do you need help with your self-image? Here's a very helpful website. http://www.mybodygallery.com/index.html You can plug in your weight and height and other measurements and see what other women your shape and size look like. I guarantee you that you will be surprised.

Homework (optional, I'm not here to make you do anything that you don't want to do):
Find 5 things that you like about your body. It can be as small as your eyes or your hair for now. As you progress in your fitness journey, you'll add to the list.
Here's mine:

1. I like my eye color.
2. I have nice hair.
3. I've got a pretty nice rack.
4. My biceps are strong and shapely.
5. Um...I think my feet are cute (my mom would probably beg to differ here and point out my hammer toes, but whatevs. I likes what I likes).

How YOU Doin'?

Could you hear me talking like Joey in the title? How you doin'? Because you looking fly after one week on the Kendra lifestyle change.

I got on the scale this morning (butt naked, after pooping, and prior to eating) and I had lost (drum roll please........) one pound. Mother f@#$er. I was hoping for some sort of Biggest Loser miracle where I lose 9 pounds in a week. Doesn't that piss you off when those people are like, "Oh. 9 pounds. I was hoping for 15." Really? Really. I would have to cut off an arm to lose 15 pounds. Nevertheless, I am familiar with my body and its inability to lose weight quickly, which is why I took those baseline measurements. I whipped out my trusty measuring tape and here are my results:

	Starting	Week One
Right arm	12	11.5
Left arm	12	11.5
Waist	29	28
Hips	41	39.5
Left thigh	24	23.5
Right thigh	24	23.5

So, overall I've lost 4.5 inches. Not too shabby. Don't have a measuring tape you say? Why, no problem. Print out this one. http://www.mytruefit.com/img/File/Printable_Measuring_Tape_5.pdf

What's the plan for week two?

• Continue eating healthy and recording your food on the printable sheets available here. Make sure you write everything down. No cheating.  
• If you have problems with portion control try measuring your food. Is it inconvenient? Yes. Does it work? Yes. It doesn't take very long measuring your food out before you get the feel for what a 1/2 cup of rice looks like (or 1/2 c of ice cream).
• Continue exercising. If you haven't been exercising, you're a big ol' slacker. Just kidding. Try to add in some exercise. I've been pumpin' it to some sweet Turbo Jam in my living room at naptime or running on my badass 1980s treadmill that has two speeds; slow and oh my god.
• I'm going to be adding this weight loss drink that Dr. Oz mentioned on his show and has subsequently been pinned and repinned on pinterest. (no pinterest?  WTF? Are you living in the dark ages? Leave me your email, and I'll totally send you an invite. Here's the recipe.
  It's basically green tea, tangerines, and mint. It sounds delicious and maybe it will replace my eight fizzy waters a day habit. But probably not. I love me some fizzy water.

And as a special Thank you for following along, I've made you all your own hot body motivation poster. Just print it out and add your own beautiful little face in the circle. My sister put hers on her refrigerator, but you can do whatever with it. Just don't sell it or something because I don't know who that chick is, but I don't want to meet her in a dark alley. She looks like she could totally kick my ass. Although, I am a bit of a scrapper.

Motivation

If you started when I did, you're four days into your new, clean living and exercise regime. Are you having fun? I'm doing OK. I've exercised every day (yay for me), and I have been eating right. I'm not officially going to weigh-in until seven days have passed, but I know that the scale hasn't moved because I obsessively weigh myself before bedtime and every morning (naked, after I poop, before I eat).

Sigh.

But I'm not giving up. Maybe you need some more motivation too? How's this for inspiring?

That's what I'm going to be look like after the Dirty Girl this summer. Well, my breasts
will be slightly lower and will look like empty milk bags,
but you get the idea.

Weight Loss Tools

this is from pinterest yo. you should check it out.

OK. It looks like I've got a lot of people aboard this train with me for this month's Be Inspired goal of being more fit a la Kendra. I've gotten some questions about what I'm doing, so I wanted to share with you some of the tools that I am using this month to help me monitor what I'm doing.

For starters, you need some sort of benchmark of your weight and/or measurements. I'll share with you my weight (but be nice because I totally just got my period and a bitch will cut you)...140. I am also doing measurements because my body likes to lie to me about my progress, and my weight loss tends to be pretty slow. So, I recorded my starting measurements at my waist, hips (which I measured at 9 inches below my belly button), right and left arm, and right and left thigh. Some people would throw bust measurement in there but I don't really care about that. If you do, go ahead and add it.

Next, you need to figure out how many calories a day you can consume at your current weight to maintain. Here is a calculator: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/ Plug your crap in there to figure out your Basal Metabolic Rate (or BMR). Then click the Daily Calorie Needs hyperlink to figure out what you need to consume to maintain. This will give you a formula based on your activity level.

So, for me weighing in in the welter weight class at 140, my BMR 1428.5. I am planning on being moderately active, and exercising 3-5 times a week, so I multiply 1428.5 x 1.55 to get 2214.175. I'm just going to round that down to 2214.

Are you with me so far? Next, we need to figure out a deficit. Experts say that a pound is 3500 calories, so in order to burn one pound a week, you need to create a deficit of 500 calories a day. For my example above, I should consume 1714 calories. I'd like my weight loss to progress a little faster than that, so I am shooting for a deficit of 750 calories per day or 1464 calories per day. Super duper.

So what do you do with all that information? Well you write it down goofball.

I am using this calorie tracking chart that I downloaded from mommydaze.com here http://www.mommiedaze.com/calorie-tracking-chart-free-printable. Print out a bunch or make copies or something. And then fill it in. Every day, everything you eat. And drink, because margaritas ain't free to buy and they ain't free for calories either. Damn. You should also record your water consumption (drink so much that you pee all the time) and exercise (until you're weak).

If you need more help with that last chart, let me know and I will make fun of you provide an example for you of one that I filled out.