War.

So this week is Screen Free Week or some such nonsense. IDK, I was too busy facebooking and pinning shit to thoroughly research the concept.

However, I am big on limiting my kids' screen time: Playstation, Nintendo DS (which I refer to as the Game Boy, just because I can never come up with the real name), TV, computer...They are supposed to get two hours a day per popular guidelines. I'm not sure who's guidelines those are, but I'm caught between feeling like that's an awful lot and simultaneously feeling like it's not enough. I'd like to plug the little snots into the TV for all but the 11 hours that they're sleeping, but Mommy Guilt prevents me from doing so. Well, that and I can actually see their brains melting after a particularly long Lego Star Wars sesh.

Today, Thing 2 and I were lazing about while the baby was napping, and trying not to turn on the TV for entertainment.

Thing 2: "Mom, don't you want to play a game with me?" The child never asks, Mom, mom would you play with me, or Care to join me for a game, or something that I could possibly answer, No to without feeling like a total failure as a mom. But don't you want to play with me? Gah. Of course I want to. Nothing else I'd rather...

Me: I suppose. You pick out a game; I have to switch the laundry.

I return to the room. Me: What'd you pick?

Him, extending a deck of holographic Star Wars cards to me: I couldn't find anything good. What are these?

Me, already regretting my decision: Playing cards. Want me to teach you to play War?

Him, nodding enthusiastically: Yes!

We spend the next hour and a half (I shit you not) playing War. He's like a War savant and picks it up within a nano-second. Well, it's also possible that you just need to know how to count and he's had that down for a few years now.

I'm really interested in the game for the first ten minutes, but this is mostly in a parental, oh isn't he having fun sort of way.

The next forty minutes I squirm around on the floor trying to alleviate the mounting pressure in my lower back cause from slouching over to repeatedly straighten the slippery holographic cards in their piles.

The next ten minutes, I find relief by lying on my stomach and playing. Thing 2 copies my position and seems to being lulled to sleep by our rhythmic card playing.

Double War!!! This could be it! Maybe he'll get all my K's and I'll go out in a blaze of glory.

Ugh. No. I spend the rest of the card game actively trying to lose; slipping my face cards into his pile when he takes a potty break, including an extra card into lost Wars. The game still plays on for what feels like eternity.

Finally, he turns to me with those sweet (almost) green eyes with beautiful, long lashes that are only seen on pre-pubescent boys and says, "Mom, don't you want to watch TV with me?"

Me: Yes. Yes, I do.

Seven Wonders of My Parenting World

The other day my manfriend asked me what the seven wonders of the world are. I said, "I have no idea. The Great Wall of China maybe? Some gardens too. Check out wikipedia, my friend."

But that got me thinking...here are the seven wonders of MY world. I'm sure there are more than seven. Feel free to hit me with suggestions.

1. I wonder how you are unable to hear me telling you to brush your teeth when I'm right in front of you, yet you can hear the Dorito bag opening from across the house.

2. I wonder why you will walk past your father seventeen times in order to find me to ask me a random question that he totally could have answered.

3. I wonder how you fit so much shit in your tiny pockets.

4. I wonder what could possibly be so enticing about your boogers that you would want to eat them.

5. I wonder why you are so opposed to wearing socks.

6. I wonder how it is physically possible for you to produce so much poop.

7. I wonder how you can be hungry ALL DAY LONG. Have you got a tape worm?

Now We Are Six

When I was one,
I had just begun.

When I was two,
I was nearly new.

When I was three,
I was hardly me.

When I was four,
I was not much more.

When I was five,
I was just alive.

 But now I am six,

I am clever as clever.
So I think I'll be six
Now and forever.

Poem by A.A. Milne

Freeloaders



I'm not Alice!

Don't get me wrong. My kids are good kids. They are bright, kind, and, in general, happy. They are generous with each other and do well in school. They are also lazy little bastards! But their days of freeloading are over. That's right. Put a suit on and get a job, son!

Well, maybe I won't go quite that far. How about some simple chores? Sounds good to me. My kids have daily chores that are just assumed  of them. For example, make the bed, brush your teeth, pick up toys, etc. However, at nearly 6 and 4, I think that they are old enough to take more of an active role in keeping this house clean. I did not make this mess on my own; I will not clean it on my own.

So, today I made them (and you!) this handy little chore chart. You can download it as a PSD if you want to customize the colors or fonts or turn off the chevrons or add your kids' names or just as a PDF if you want to just write the squiddo's names on it. There is also a customizable chore list or a PDF of the chores. I plan on laminating mine, but didn't have immediate access to a laminator.

Time to get busy, slackers.

OK, edit the documents if you want or just print them out as is. You can print the chores onto magnet paper available at office supply stores, or you can make your own. Here's what I did:

Gather your supplies. Mod Podge, scissors, chore print out, paint brush, and an old magnet.
If you haven't got Mod Podge, you could just glue the paper on, but you risk the corners peeling up later.
Sometimes you have to take risks though.
I save the magnets that we get from stores, restaurants, and various other random places
and use them for projects like this.
Wash your magnet off for better adhesion.

Mod Podge those little chores on.
Let that dry.
Cut them out.

Affix to something to which magnets will stick. I put it on the fridge.
You could stick it on some metal and then frame it. That would be adorable.
I was too lazy.

And there you have it.
The baby can still freeload, I guess.
I almost didn't use these because you can see my kids' names. Try not to stalk us, OK?

Baby needs a new pair of shoes

With the holidays rapidly approaching, I've been pillaging through the kids' closets trying to figure out what they can wear that won't look like an absolute hot mess my favorite look for them for Christmas service. I think I've got it mostly narrowed down except for shoes.

Boo loves shoes. This fall she's mostly been rocking her fakie Uggs and a sweet pair of moccasins that she's got. But those are super not fancy enough for the baby Jesus. How to solve this dilemma while spending zero dollars? What to do, what to do? Do you remember the can of spray paint from the Christmas wreath tutorial? Of course you do.

So I answered to time honored question: Can you spray paint shoes?

Old pair of shoes. These were a pair of hand me downs as are 99.7% of Boo's things.

I stuffed them with plastic bags and sprayed away. Please note (mom): I did not spray paint in my kitchen. You're welcome.

Answer: Yes you can! She hasn't worn them yet, being as it's not Christmas yet.
Once we get a little wear and tear on those baddies I'll update you. Because I know you're dying to know.

Hoooo loves you baby?

The boys have decided to be cheap-o Wal-Mart costumes this year, and there seems to be very little that I can do to change their minds. Thing 3 is still little enough that I can subject my will on her whenever I choose. Therefore, she will be an owl.

I made this quickie costume out of a freebie white onesie and some felt "feathers" that Thing 1 helped me cut out. Thing 2 helped me pin them on (note to self: stick pins and two-year-olds aren't the best combo), and I sewed it up while everyone was sleeping. The wings and hat/mask are just free styled. I think it's pretty darn adorable.

Hoo! Hoo!

Oh, crap.

So, this is the third time I'm attempting to add this post. The first time I got got pooped on. After cleaning that mess up, I tried again, but was thwarted by a blogger error. Let's see how we progress.

I've decided I need to spruce up the baby's room, so I started with some felt letters that I came across last week. Of course, I can't find the original post now, but I'm fairly certain I got them from here.

Hmmm...looks like I need to get my manfriend to hang that a little bit straighter.

And because they're never far behind...