Thursday, March 15, 2012

Now We Are Six

When I was one,
I had just begun.
When I was two,
I was nearly new.

When I was three,
I was hardly me.
When I was four,
I was not much more.
When I was five,
I was just alive.
 But now I am six,
I am clever as clever.
So I think I'll be six
Now and forever.

Poem by A.A. Milne

Monday, March 12, 2012


What Maid Tin Sign
I'm not Alice!
Don't get me wrong. My kids are good kids. They are bright, kind, and, in general, happy. They are generous with each other and do well in school. They are also lazy little bastards! But their days of freeloading are over. That's right. Put a suit on and get a job, son!

Well, maybe I won't go quite that far. How about some simple chores? Sounds good to me. My kids have daily chores that are just assumed  of them. For example, make the bed, brush your teeth, pick up toys, etc. However, at nearly 6 and 4, I think that they are old enough to take more of an active role in keeping this house clean. I did not make this mess on my own; I will not clean it on my own.

So, today I made them (and you!) this handy little chore chart. You can download it as a PSD if you want to customize the colors or fonts or turn off the chevrons or add your kids' names or just as a PDF if you want to just write the squiddo's names on it. There is also a customizable chore list or a PDF of the chores. I plan on laminating mine, but didn't have immediate access to a laminator.
Time to get busy, slackers.
OK, edit the documents if you want or just print them out as is. You can print the chores onto magnet paper available at office supply stores, or you can make your own. Here's what I did:
Gather your supplies. Mod Podge, scissors, chore print out, paint brush, and an old magnet.
If you haven't got Mod Podge, you could just glue the paper on, but you risk the corners peeling up later.
Sometimes you have to take risks though.
I save the magnets that we get from stores, restaurants, and various other random places
and use them for projects like this.
Wash your magnet off for better adhesion.

Mod Podge those little chores on.
Let that dry.
Cut them out.

Affix to something to which magnets will stick. I put it on the fridge.
You could stick it on some metal and then frame it. That would be adorable.
I was too lazy.
And there you have it.
The baby can still freeload, I guess.
I almost didn't use these because you can see my kids' names. Try not to stalk us, OK?

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A Case of Mistaken Identity

It's almost embarassing. I mean, it happens all the time. I'll be just walking along, or standing in line at the post office and it will happen. Someone always asks!

Here's what I look like before showering and without makeup. That's actually probably a pretty fair sampling of how I look most of the time. Sorry to those I encounter on a daily basis. And to the lady who just came to my door and caught me with a carrot juice mustache.
This is me in my readers.
So, you can understand why people might come up to me and say...
"I'm thirsty." I mean, the resemblance is uncanny.
I also get told, "I'm hungry." All the time.
And at least once a day, someone comes up to me with a yogurt lid or granola bar wrapper
having mistaken me for the picture above.
And, of course, anytime I sit down I am immediately mistaken for this.

Friday, March 2, 2012

In which I get on board with subway art

I know this post is a day late (and a dollar short, zing!). I apologize for the delay. Sike. I don't. I'm busy, and shit got in the way.


It became pretty obvious to me last month during my zen challenge that I am not now, nor will I ever be "laid back." It just ain't my shtick. But, you know what is? OCD, making lists and charts, and my kids. So, this month I am going to cram all those things together in lots of fun little projects.

Here's the first one.

Maybe your mornings go a little like mine. The kids have school, yet are running around butt ass naked because they seem to be unable to comprehend that they need to get dressed EVERY SINGLE MORNING. So, as a helpful little reminder to them I've made these cute subway signs outlining our morning routine.

And the evening routine. Good night, sleep tight is supposed to be like the title. Does it look like I'm telling them to go to sleep and then do all the other shit?

After school special refers to their free time. Get your mind out of the gutter.
I printed those bad boys off and affixed them to a board and now they are waiting patiently to be hung in the kitchen. I'll update with a photo when they're done. And, because I love you and everyone loves printables I have them available for you to print. They are high resolution digital files. Do with them what you will. Rise and shine jpeg and Good night jpeg. Don't like the colors, wording or font? Tough shit. Just kidding. Here they are in a .psd. Rise and shine psd and Good night psd. Go nuts.