Monday, April 15, 2013
Hell, I missed me.
You probably have learned a few things about me just by reading my blog...I'm crafty like a boss, I swear a lot, I like to take a lot of pictures, my kids are a-freaking-dorable, and I listen to shitty music on the radio. Something that you might not know about me is that I have suffered with depression since I was 15 years old.
Not like, hey, they cancelled Eastwick, that's a bummer (which it is. That show was awesome), but more of the soul sucking, don't want to get out of bed, don't want to get dressed or clean my house, let's have pizza again for dinner because mommy is just trying to get by clinical depression sort of way. This winter was hard. So, that's where I was.
I don't expect your pity or anything like that; something like 19 million Americans suffer from clinical depression, so my problems are not out of the ordinary.
But now, depression has gone and got all personal and is f'ing with my family. Depression better back up and recognize. Or something gansta like that.
Depression ebbs and flows like a tide. Sometimes the tide is in, and you are full and can hardly imagine a time when you will be low again. Then the tide goes out, and you are empty. Just like the tide, there isn't really always a reason (aside from the moon. I mean, I totally realize that the moon is what causes tides), depression just is. You can't stop feeling it just because you want to.
If you're sitting on the beach, and you see the tide go out for the first time, you might be shocked. Floored, and unable to find the perspective to know that the tide will always come back in. After 18 years of dealing with this, I know that however scary those lows are, life is worth waiting for the tide to come back in.
So, little one, I want you to know that you are not alone. I am standing with you.