Unbearable things happen

I haven't blogged in awhile. I can't say that it's a been a deliberate choice, but when I sit down at my computer to share the types of things that I usually want to share with you I freeze up. And I know why. A month ago, my husband's Auntie Kris died...and it was unbearable for a really long time. She was a wonderful perosn and now she doesn't get to even BE anymore. How does one come to grips with that? So every time I thought, hey I made something nice and I should share it with you...I thought of Auntie Kris and I felt like my blog post was somehow making light of the tragedy of what happened. But that is the antithesis of Kris. Some people say a funeral is closure, but to me this is closure.

I first met Kris shortly after I met my husband (aka manfriend). He brought me home to meet his family the week after we met. When we pulled into his aunt and uncle's driveway, they were all on the roof of the house pulling off shingles. I was slightly intimidated, but I like to think that I put on a brave face.

A year and a half later my husband and I were engaged and I was looking at wedding dresses. I found one that I loved, except for one small amd important detail. My future mother-in-law said, "Just ask Kris. She'll make it for you." Um....what? Ask her to make the most important piece of my wedding day (aside from my husband of course)? I had no questions in my mind about whether she was capable, but rather would she want to do it? Why would she want to do it? But, I asked her and she rejoiced at the opportunity. You might think I am misusing that verb, but then you would be misunderstanding Kris. Because at the heart of her was someone who gave.

Over the years Kris was an inspiration for me. She sewed, she knit, she cooked, she gardened...and on top of it she was a loving mother to her kids. She was able to meet one grandchild, though I'm sure she'll look down from heaven on many more.

This is the dress that Kris made for me. She also made all of my bridesmaids' dresses and my junior bride's dress.

Even now I feel like this post is too light hearted and doesn't convey the sheer amount of grief and emotion that has been poured into every word. But, grief is intimate. and unbearable. and so we go one.