Friday, December 9, 2011

I hate your kids

Now, before you get your knickers in a knot, let me preface that by saying I don't specifically hate your kids, I love YOUR kids (unless you were seated behind me last night at the mexican restaurant and you let your little boy stand and look over the booth and repeatedly bop my son in the head and toss a pea at us, in which case, I totally hate your kid), but, I hate them in more of a general way.

I think that my children are fairly well behaved in public (note the "in public." home is an entirely different scenario usually). They sit at in their seats in restaurants, and do not wander around. They hold the door for other patrons. They do not shout or lay on the booth. Good Lord help them if throw peas.

You might be thinking, well, aren't you lucky to have little angel babies! Hellz no.
But they know that if they act like that at a restaurant or store, there will be some serious ramifications. I am not going to take them out and beat them in the parking lot, but they know that there will be some rather unenjoyable consequence waiting for them.

I have heard parents say, "Well Johnny P is only exploring his environment. Why should he be caged in a booth?" Um, because that's what people do. And he's not a free range turkey. If, as adults, we are expected to sit at the table to eat our meal, how will your child learn to do it if it's not expected of him? When does it become expected of him?

If you let Johnny P get down, then the parents next to have a more difficult time keeping Suzy Q in her seat. Then Timmy R squiggles out of his chair and is doing penny drops from the railings at BW3s. Soon there's a whole alphabet of children milling about the restaurant, and no one is able to enjoy themselves. Once, at a restaurant I was approached by a rogue child who came up and told me, "I made poopy in the potty." Well, super duper. As a parent, I know that's awesome and I bumped her knuckles and smiled, but as a parent I also wish HER parents would have kept her in her seat so I could have a dinner that didn't involve talking about poop.

I am not a bad person, nor am I mean to kids. If your kid is in front of me in line at the grocery store, I might play peek a boo with him. Or if he's spazzing out, I might offer you a tiny packet of goldfish crackers so you can appease the angry beast. But while it seems A-OK with society for me to offer you those things, you might be less pleased with other things that I do.

I correct other people's children. GASP! That's right, I do. In the situation above, where little pea-throwing Jo-Jo was making my family's dinner unpleasant, I politely asked him to sit down. And when that didn't work, I used my mommy voice and told him to "turn around and sit down." I got an ugly look from his mother, but at least we got to eat in peace. If we're at the park and some kid kicks sand, guess what? I'm going to tell the little hellion, "We don't kick sand." And, if it's my little hellion, I expect you to do the same. There was a time when kids had to be responsible for their behavior in front of ALL adults, not just their own parents.

If it takes a village to raise a child, then why can't that village tell the child to sit down and shut up?Do you correct other people's children? Would you be offended if somebody corrected your children?
I didn't have a picture of my kids behaving or misbehaving in public. So I just put this one of the baby misbehaving at home.


  1. Great post. I couldn't agree more. I hate other peoples' kids...well you know what I mean....

  2. This post made me laugh, as it completely rings true. As a teacher, I definitely feel that fewer children are required to be respectful or aware of the world around them. Thank you for teaching your kids now!